Evaluating your Relationship: What's your Score Card?

Everyone dreaded report card day in school and if you are dreading making your own relationship report card, then you need to buckle down and study! When you rank all of the aspects of your relationship between you and your spouse, you need to score in the high nineties to achieve an A+. Consider creating a ‘relationship report card’ with your spouse and watch the awakening you will both experience. When you try to complete your relationship report card, it should not turn into a ‘blame game’. It should open the lines of communication and offer some invaluable insight into your relationship as to where you need changes and improvements.

When you consider how you want to grade your partner and yourself, it is a good idea to have some pre-set guidelines as to what each grade means. For example, an ‘A’ might mean that your partner isn’t perfect, but obviously excelling. It could also mean that your partner is loving, attentive, enthusiastic and satisfying. A ‘B’ could stand for a partner who is always trying, better than most and consistently works on improvement. A ‘C’ might mean average or acceptable. ‘C’s’ always indicate plenty of room for improvement. ‘D’s’ and ‘F’s’ should be reserved for unhappy situations or even hopeless ones. ‘D’s’ indicate never hopeless while ‘F’s’ require more than just a relationship evaluation. If you find that you and your spouse have areas with a ‘D’ or an ‘F’, you need to focus on why you are giving or receiving those grades and commit to some kind of action in order to change and improve that grade. It might involve a commitment on both spouses, but if both are willing to work at it the grade is already moving higher.

When you begin working on your relationship report card, it should be graded the same way your school papers were graded with a number grade (ex. 80%, 50%, 95% and so on). Grade both your partner and yourself in areas like affection, ability to resolve conflict, attitude, commitment, communication skills, consideration level, thinking as a ‘couple’, creativity, sensitivity, flexibility, generosity, friendship and gift giving skills. Once you’ve completed that list, continue to evaluate your honesty levels, listening skills, household management skills, patience, love making, romance abilities and practice, playfulness, self-esteem, self-awareness, sense of humor, empathy, tolerance and spontaneity. If you feel that there are any other areas relevant to your particular relationship, feel free to add and evaluate at your discretion.

When you and your spouse are grading each other, be sure to both participate in grading. You can work out your own particulars, but make sure you both have a say in both of your grades. Compare and talk about your grades and why your partner believes you deserve a particular grade (this includes the good grades, too!). You’ll be surprised at how your partner sees your relationship and you’ll have invaluable insight into how he or she sees your role in the relationship. Just because you may not have earned an A+ in one area doesn’t mean that you can’t celebrate. Pat yourself (and your partner) on the back for anything over a ‘B’ and talk about ways you can improve on any ‘C’s’ and ‘D’s’.

Define your marriage: Companionship or a Love Affair?

Every marriage is just like any relationship.  They have their ups and downs, agreements and disagreements and good days and bad days.  When you put two people from different backgrounds with different ideas, feelings and expectations together, you simply can’t expect everything to be wonderful all of the time!  While some marriages have very serious problems that can only be solved by intense focus and even therapy, most marriages simply become ‘stale’ or uninteresting. 

It is important to reflect on exactly what is causing any conflict or uneasiness in a marriage before acting on it.  In a great many marriages, the excitement and ‘take my breath away’ feelings are fading or they are even gone.  It doesn’t mean that the love is gone.  Love sometimes needs a little stimulation in order to revisit and maintain the feelings we all crave and yearn for.  That stimulation is called ‘romance.’

Many people mistake a marriage that seems to be ordinary or unexceptional as lacking love.  It simply isn’t the case!  Most marriages do not lack love, but they do lack romance!  Love is easy and peaceful, while romance is what makes a relationship hot and arousing. 

Every single person on earth in any type of relationship desires passion and romance in his or her life.  Unfortunately, there are a few things about romance most people don’t understand.  The most common problem in creating romance in a relationship is that people simply don’t know how to do it!  Other times, people are fixed in cultural classifications and their partners are unable to appreciate them for their own special and unique qualities.  Ultimately, some people have simply given up on their search for romance.

In a time where everything is convenient and available almost at the touch of a button, the effort of romance seems as if it takes a good deal of effort.  It is very possible to take some old-fashioned romantic ideas and make them work in a modern world while maintaining the genuine intention behind each thought and act.  Romance today can be filled with unique ideas, creativity and passion.  Romance is simply the way you express your love for another person.  It is vital to keeping love fresh, exciting and alive.  Without romance, love can become tiresome and even worse.

The expression of love through romance keeps it alive, fun and worthwhile.  Romance is only true, though, when carried out with no ulterior motives.  The only reason romance should be initiated is in an attempt to show love and appreciation.  Romance with true intentions is when you want to show your mate that you are thinking about them and they matter enough to make the effort to bring your love to life through action.

Romance is more like an artistic creation as opposed to an exact science.  Those who tend to feel competitive in almost everything they do will need to check that attitude at the door when initiating romance.  Love and romance should not be considered a contest that should be outdone time and again.  It should be considered a cooperative activity.  While love and romance take two in order to work, you can be extremely romantic while still keeping your individuality.  Love and romance make perfect partners and can make you and your partner ‘perfect’ companions as well!